


That Stupid

by eticatka



Category: Cormoran Strike Series - Robert Galbraith, Strike (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:34:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26344933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eticatka/pseuds/eticatka
Summary: Lorelei's confession scene from the second episode of Lethal White (or from somewhere in the middle of the book) re-imagined through Lorelei's point of view.
Relationships: Lorelei Bevan/Cormoran Strike
Comments: 10
Kudos: 26





	That Stupid

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

She sat on the edge of the bath, dressed in nothing but her light nightgown, her feet on the cold bathroom floor, her hand on her mouth, muffling her sobs.

She trembled. From the cold outside, from the cold inside, from the tears that boiled inside her. From the void that started to spread somewhere in her chest.

How could she be that stupid? Didn’t she promise herself that she will never _ever_ fall into that trap again? That she will never fall in love with someone buried in his past so deeply; someone who can’t let it go; someone who’s afraid to open up for something new? Didn’t she swear to herself that she will never confess her feelings to a man first?

What a stupid habit it is, to speak your heart. Some things are better unsaid. It’s safer, after all.

She kept replaying that scene in her mind.

‘I love you.’

…

‘Did you hear me?’

‘Yeah, I did.’

How stupid she was to believe that she’d won this battle! Of course, he had no choice but to spend several nights in a row in her flat, and she fell into this deliberate illusion that he was doing it on his own accord; that she had finally managed to convince him; that she had the right to whisper her spontaneous confession, melting in his embrace.

He will never change. It’s not his fault. But neither is it hers.

She felt used and useless. Like many times before. Every time she promised herself it would be the last time. But she kept falling, over and over again.

Deep in her heart, though, there was a tiny flicker of hope that he would hear her sobs despite her trying so hard to conceal them – she could have opened the tap, but it was too late anyway – and walk up to the bathroom door, and call her name softly, and whisper something like “Hey, Lorelei… I’m sorry. I was just overwhelmed. I love you, too. I do.” And she would open the door, and fall into his huge arms, sobbing, and this night that started so wonderfully would go on with a renewed level of passion.

But no. Either he did not hear, or pretended so. In the end, what could he do? He doesn’t love her. It’s not his fault that he doesn’t. It _is_ his fault, though, that he made her feel so loved that she found the guts to open up for him. In vain.

Over and over again, the same mistake. Opening up for somebody who remains closed and sealed, like a coffin.

Knock on the door.

‘Hey, Lorelei… I’m sorry.’

Her heart slightly leapt.

‘Could I use the loo?’

_Bastard._

**Author's Note:**

> That's my first fic in a long, long time, the first one in this fandom and the first one in English, which is not my mother tongue (as you have probably guessed :D). I must admit Robin/Cormoran is my OTP forever, but I caught myself relating with Lorelei so strongly, feeling so sorry for her, understanding her feelings so much that I couldn't help writing this. I'm not sure I'm too original here, though, but I hope you still liked it :)


End file.
